Quick: think of the five people with whom you spend the most time. Got your five? Good.
They say your net worth reflects the average to your five closest friends. Your friends will tend to have similar financial situations and outlooks as you. Change your friends and you’ll change your financial outlook and behavior… and possibly your net worth.
That’s in part because we tend to associate with people of similar socio-economic and educational backgrounds. It’s comfortable and familiar. Alternatively, maybe it’s because statistically you spend a lot of time from people at your job or in your field.
But it could also be because most of us react to the subtle pressures to fit into a particular group. We aim a little high to fit in, or, aim a little low. This includes how and why we spend our money.
Recently I became friendly with someone and it got me thinking about friendships across “economic divides”. Not divides that exist between countries but divides here in the United States. My new buddy’s economic outlook is staggeringly different. Could we be friends? Would it even be wise to be friends? Here’s what happened.
My new friend happens to be a high-school dropout, single mother on welfare. A common creative interest brought us together and I enjoy her company. Being a high-school dropout, single mother, or welfare recipient doesn’t automatically condemn you to a certain economic class. We’ve all heard of the CEOs who rose from similar hard-scrabble beginnings.
But being these things sure does make it harder to escape a particular economic point-of-view. What was missing in this case wasn’t talent or ability. It was the vision to see any other way of life.
How do you change your view? You change your friends. Sounds deceptively easy.
For example: yesterday my new friend told me that in order to keep health and other benefits for her child she can only earn $300 a month. (!) My internal, judging reaction was: “What can you do with $300 a month? Get yourself some education and a job!” I realized after the conversation how much I had minimized about my own (economically-generated) experiences, interests, and spending in an attempt to make her feel comfortable.
Is it wise to downplay ones own achievements or aspirations to fit in or be polite? I think not…
Yet: I’ve experienced instances where my self-described “middle class” aspirations are seen in much the same light. I’ve had friendships wherein my economically-different friends view my choices and behaviors as similarly lacking vision. I’ve seen wealthier friends do exactly the same down-shifting with me.
Isn’t it just easier to hang out with people who are a lot like you? Have you had experiences with friendships economically very different than your own situation?
Geezeo is a place where you can choose online friends who share your economic goals. As my parents advised: “Choose your friends wisely, because you end up just like them…”
June 11th, 2008 at 3:36 pm
Very interesting question. I have had 2 close friends that had (let’s be blunt) no money.
One made a decent salary but wildly spent it. She ended up going through her mother’s retirement, made many bad decisions and although she was fun, creative, loyal….I just couldn’t respect her. That probably ruined the friendship in the long run.
My other friend made a very small salary and is an artist. He budgeted every penny, set up a small but growing retirement fund and never expected a penny from anyone. He was intelligent and persuing his values although those values meant a very small income. I had plenty of respect for him.
I think it comes down to the personal MORAL values of the individual, not amount of money the have. Although money can enter into it: Why are they always broke? Why are they on welfare? Are they working to improve their situation? Do they resent people that do have money? Do they think others have a duty to help them?
My moral values are: honesty, integrity, productivity, rationality, justice, pride, self-responsibility, courage, independence. I like people with those moral values no matter how much money they make/have. I think we are drawn to people with the same moral values we hold…and the same ’subjective’ values, like enjoying the same food, movies, books, sports, etc.
Suzanne
June 11th, 2008 at 5:19 pm
Excellent points and well-said, Suzanne. Couldn’t agree more!
June 12th, 2008 at 1:33 am
Sometimes it is hard to have friends that have significantly more, but it also can be very inspiring.
It’s crucial to keep perspective and avoid jealousy.
However, many times a person is successful because they have learned something that you could benefit from.
The bottom line is … hang out with, do business with, network with… people you like. That would be the primary prerequisite, in my opinion.
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