By Ann M. Evanston | WomenCo.

As Executive Managing Director of two Northern California chapters of eWomenNetwork, and sponsor for three other chapters within the organization, I meet these two types of people all the time. And I see a distinct difference in the progress of their careers because of their approaches.

Whether online or in-person, there are key characteristics that clearly differentiate net-workers from net-beggars.

You’re a net-worker if…

• You show up when you don’t need anything. 

• You practice saying, “How can I help you?” 

• You remember those you meet and often make referrals and connections. 

• You nurture relationships consistently. 

• You subtly present what you do and your goals for the future. 

• You grow and develop relationships so people easily trust you. 

• You come from a place of empowerment.

You’re a net-beggar if…

• You show up only when you need something. 

• You practice thinking, “How can you help me?” 

• You forget who you’ve met and neglect to follow up. 

• You wait until you’ve lost your job, your business is rocky, clients are scarce, or your health is uncertain to pursue those relationships. 

• You force your agenda on everyone — whether in discussions, emails, one-on-ones, or networking events. 

• You push your own business and your own needs so much that people don’t trust you to listen to their needs. 

• You come from a place of desperation.
 
For years I have coached clients, “You don’t know you need a network until you need it, and then it’s too late.”  That is the cause of net-begging: waiting until you need something to show up!  So if you are trying to climb the corporate ladder, expand your business, change jobs, or just make new friends, start when you really do not need to!

When you act in the spirit of relaxation and openness, you will be attractive to others, because networking actually works.  As a net-worker, you will never have to beg, because people will naturally want to help you. 

What if you realize that you might be a net-beggar?  Is it too late to change those habits?  No, of course not.  However, understand that net-working is about developing trust in a relationship, so others will refer you to those they know. 

Here are some tips to becoming the kind of net-worker people will want to help:

  • Work to get to know others first.  Don’t start with a litany of who you are, what you do, and what your needs are right now. If you haven’t nurtured a relationship, that is too much information, too soon.

  • Work to understand what others’ needs and concerns are first, and offer help to them. Practice the mindset that asks, “How can I help?”

  • Work to listen and absorb what you learn so that when you find a connection that may be helpful to someone, you can convey it.

  • Work your personality.  Your energy, humor, love, and passion will make people want to know you more and offer you trust.

  • Work on keeping in touch.  Follow-through is key to being a successful net-worker.

  Another amazing thing I have realized about becoming a great net-worker? You rarely have to ask for help because people are always supporting you because they know you are involved, engaged, and show up. Remember, net-working is a process, not an event! So whether online or in-person, practice the steps I’ve outlined above. You will get what you need, be respected and valued, and for sure you will achieve success!

You found the person you wanted to spend the rest of your life with and walked down the aisle, only to discover the marriage wasn’t quite what you expected. Now you can’t wait to get away.

Should you file for an annulment or a divorce? Depending on which you choose, you could end up in very different financial situations.

A divorce is the dissolution of a valid marriage. An annulment invalidates a marriage. With an annulment, it’s as if the marriage never existed.

When it comes to finances, the difference is stark. Marital property is usually divided equitably according to a judge’s determination during a divorce (unless there is a valid prenuptial agreement). Whatever assets or debts are acquired during a marriage is considered marital property, but laws about how the property is divided vary by state. When a marriage is annulled, the courts usually try to restore each party to his or her original financial state before the marriage occurred. This means that what you brought to the marriage you will usually take away from a marriage.  If a couple has accumulated some shared assets prior to an annulment, it can get a little more complicated. The division of these assets is usually handled as if two strangers bought property together. When children are involved, child support and custody agreements are handled just like a divorce.

Most marriages do not qualify for an annulment.  Each state has its own requirements for a legal annulment, but there are some common grounds. Bigamy, forced consent, fraud or misrepresentation, mental incapacity or illness, underage marriage and incest are universal grounds for an annulment. When petitioning for an annulment, however, these grounds must be proven, and the other party has a right to protest.

If you are the financially weaker partner, it may be in your best interest to file for a divorce. If, on the other hand, you have substantial assets and can prove that your marriage should never have occurred, filing for an annulment can save you a lot of dough (particularly in spousal support). An annulment can also help one partner avoid liability for another partner’s significant debt. Talk to a divorce attorney about the specific circumstances of your marriage to find out which of these options will work best for you.

Call it a Hallmark Holiday or whatever else you may choose, but this year people are definitely cutting back on how much they spend on Valentine’s Day. In the past people tend to buy lavish jewelry or go somewhere expensive for dinner, but with the economy we are in today, is that really feasible? (Not for everyone).

1. Go Practical – Now more than ever, people need practical things and not the lavish gifts that are usually given. If your significant other has currently gotten into working out and going to the gym, look into a new pair of sneakers or some workout clothes if they are planning on buying those for themselves anyway. Although this may not be the most romantic gift, it will allow your significant other to spend their money on something else (or to save it).

2. Chocolate Covered – Chocolate is always a typical theme of Valentine’s Day. However, buying chocolates and chocolate covered strawberries around the holiday can get pretty expensive. Make your own chocolate covered anything from strawberries, to pretzels, and raisins! Although this may take a little bit more effort on your part, making things chocolate covered is an extremely easy task. If the person you are buying gifts for loves chocolate, this can save you a great deal of money. One chocolate covered strawberry from somewhere like Godiva can cost around $4.50. In making yours at home you will save money and have more than one strawberry to eat!

3. Personalize It – Giving the typical gifts is nice, but it usually doesn’t take much thought to pick out flowers or chocolates. Personalize your gift for your significant other. They now make cards where you can record your own message and the card plays music. These are a lot of fun and you can add your own touch to the card. How about making a CD? This may seem extremely corny, but if you put songs on a CD that remind you of the other person, they may be extremely touched by how much thought you put into it and it costs hardly anything…just a little bit of your time!

4. Don’t Buy the Night Before – Don’t get everything the night before Valentine’s Day. Not only will you not have the selection you want to choose from, but some retailers may hike up the prices because they know you need the item for the next day. More than likely, if you buy your gift at the very last minute you probably will not be happy with the outcome and neither will your spouse.

5. Don’t Give Gifts – This is a compromise that really needs to come from both sides of a relationship. If your significant other is set on giving gifts, there probably is not much of a way around it. However, sit down and talk and see if you would both like to get something small but stay within a certain price range. This way you aren’t worried about overspending or looking too cheap when you don’t spend a lot. Setting a price goal can be really beneficial for both of you and take a lot of the stress out of gift giving.

Many people are avoiding the holiday completely this year in order to cut costs. However, this does not necessarily need to be the case (unless of course you really do not like the holiday). Try out some of the above ideas this year and see if you like the results. You will definitely be happier when your wallet is not empty at the end of the day.

Do you want Geezeo to help you pay off your Valentine’s Day costs? Well, $6,000 could go a long way toward reducing your debt. Win this or other great prizes in the Great Geezeo Bailout! Collect points every day.

Photo: Gracey

A completely new you… without your partner?

Breaking up happens every day. Most break-ups have a financial component. Here’s how to get your money life back together:

Individually Held Finances

If you’ve kept your finances separate you’ve got some advantage. Or at least, you’ve avoided some potential mess. However, don’t be quick to assume you’re in the clear. Many couples keep separate bank accounts but end up accumulating accounts with both names. Some common ones: cell phone contracts, utilities, or apartment leases. These are still connected to your credit report and credit score. Therefore you should examine and change everything necessary.

Remember: even if you’ve kept your financial lives separate, morally you need to honor the financial commitment behind other jointly-held obligations. Most important of these are children. If not, you could go to jail.

It is important to be sure that you protect yourself. If you think your ex might be vengeful be sure to change all your passwords, pins, and other important banking information. It is always a good idea to seek the counsel of an impartial third party or arbitration service.

Jointly Held Finances

Separating jointly held finances can get messy. If your break-up is amicable the best option is to split jointly-held accounts evenly. Yes, even if you are the partner who contributed more. Splitting accounts equally is a lot less painful when you’re ready to move on. It is also faster and avoids additional conflict. That alone is worth avoiding the fights that may occur from mean-spirited penny-pinching. Think of it this way: even if your partner doesn’t “deserve” half, you’ve gained some peace of mind.

Unwilling to split shared accounts equally? Your first approach is to discuss who is entitled to what percentage. If you cannot agree it is a good idea to collect documents supporting your contributions. It is also recommended that you find a professional arbitrator or other third party.

Depending on the state in which you live and the length of your relationship you may be entitled to “common law” division of assets.

Bottom line? Do you homework, and be ready to come to an agreement about dissolving jointly-held financial assets. Enlist the help of a lawyer if necessary.

Marriage

Marriage is the most official of all partnerships. Therefore it can contain even greater financial complexity. On the other hand, there are more legal protections associated with marriage that will protect splitting partners compared to unmarried partners.

If you signed a pre-nuptial agreement you’ve already got a solid road map to follow. Still: there is no denying that emotions can overwhelm even the most level-headed people. As with the situations above you should do your homework, enlist a third party or lawyer, and commit to behaving as cordially as possible.

If your partner makes the majority of household income you may need to seriously evaluate the cost of your lifestyle. And both partners should morally and legally commit to financial obligations like children. Be sure to update your will, too.

Breaking up may break your heart but it should not break your bank. Your lifestyle and what you can afford may drastically change. Take the high road and hope that your ex follows your lead.

Related:
Postnuptial Agreement
Money Matters Key to Wedded Bliss? 5 Tips for Happily Ever After
Top Money Saving Tips for Single Moms
Making Cents of Divorce.
Date Your Spouse… (or Pay!)

Ready to break up? Enter The Great Geezeo Bailout and use the $6,000 prize to help you rebuild.

When should you look through your significant other’s wallet or purse? Before you walk down the aisle.

Okay: good relationships aren’t formed on snooping through your partner’s personal property (particularly early on!). But, if you’re seriously committed and ready for the next step, the next step isn’t always marriage but determining if your long-range financial goals are in sync.

Says The New York Times:

Marrying a person who shares your attitudes about money might just be the smartest financial decision you will ever make. In fact, when it comes to finances, your marriage is likely to be your most valuable asset — or your largest liability.

Read the article here.

So how do you know if you share the same outlook as your honey about money?

Love may be an imprecise calculation. Determining your fiscal compatibility is not. Here are five issues to discuss before committing to “for richer or poorer”:

1. Do You Share Similar Spending Habits? If you do not, you can work around this issue. But, it will be easier for the long haul if you share a commitment to a certain sort of spending. It doesn’t matter if you both enjoy a frugal lifestyle, or one that places importance on value over price. Sharing a similar outlook is a big deal.

2. Have You Been Honest About Your Debts? No one likes a nasty surprise. Make that double after they’re part of a legal structure that comes calling if you don’t pay up. A new spouse should not be expected to pay for debt incurred prior to the relationship. Be honest.

3. Do You Agree on Saving and Investing? Again: you don’t need to see eye-to-eye all the time. Few couples do when it comes to money matters. The important thing here is: can you openly discuss differing approaches and come to a jointly-made decisions on your financial priorities? (See #4).

4. Can You Discuss Money Without Disrespecting Each Other? If an argument arises, do both parties “play fair”? Heated money discussions can include conflicts over other major life choices. Can you have a civil disagreement?

5. Do You Agree on Major Life Choices? Where will you live? Work? Will you have kids? Will you send them to private school or college? Do you share similar, specific values? Have you talked about what it will be like when you’re old (and are you preparing for that day)?

Finding a partner that shares similar financial goals will make your life (and your marriage) a lot easier.

Related:

Prenup Agreement…Is It For You?
Postnuptial Agreement
Would You Marry for Health Insurance?
Say ‘I Don’t’ to a Wedding Loan

As the pressures and responsibilities of parenthood pile on, often the marital relationship is put on the back burner. However, initial sparks can remain ablaze by setting aside a regular date night together. Neglecting the flames can not only lead to obvious repercussions, but financial ones as well.

Focusing on one another and becoming people again (vs. just parents) to one another opens the communication. Keeping mindful of each other’s feelings will help you avoid paying the $150 per hour or so on couples therapy once a week for the same result. Why not use the funds on a fancy dinner instead? Either way you need a sitter and need to find the time, so you may as well use it for a fun night out.

No matter how difficult it may be to get a regular date night routine in place, face the fact that letting the love between you and your spouse die out will lead you back to having to date again anyway but with strangers. Not to mention the legal fees of divorce will start at $10,000. Since you’ll be paying for a date either way, you could alternatively use the ten grand or more on many romantic getaways together!

Clearly, making time to date your spouse makes “cents” in the long run and can be affordable, too.

At the very least, strive for two nights a month where you leave the house (and the dishes, laundry, bills, cleaning, etc.) behind and venture out as a couple. If you want to cut back on costs, eat a quick meal at home and head out for just dessert or a drink (or both!). Grab burritos or other low cost picnic food and eat at the state park or, for coastal folks, at the beach as you watch the waves crash. In winter have a glass of wine or hot chocolate together at the local park.

If you’re up for spending money on dinner, collect coupons that come regularly in the mail; skip the alcohol to bring the cost of the check down or bring your own wine and just pay the cork fee. Look into becoming a “secret diner” and eat for free by doing a write up on the restaurant and the services. To help with the cost of childcare, swap nights with another couple (they watch your kids, you watch theirs the next time) or ask friends, neighbors, and relatives to pitch in. If you’re not having luck finding a sitter, at the very least schedule regular lunches together while the kids are in school.

Happy parents are much better equipped to provide happy lives for their children. This makes dating your spouse all the more priceless investment!