Lets be honest, many of us do not read through all of the fine print before we sign a contract. It just doesn’t seem logical. There are pages and pages of fine print writing that they expect us to read. BUT, if you were to read all that fine print…you may be surprised…
Five Bizarre Entries in Banking Fine Print By: Jack Karp at BankingMyWay.com
Consumer-banking legalese is usually about as boring as you can get.
But lawyers occasionally throw in a catchy phrase, seemingly to relieve the monotony.
About 30 pages deep into an account rules and regulations contract, any consumer who has had the stamina to read that far is asked to “Please Read This Provision Carefully.” Or a promotion will state the obvious: “Repayment terms and payment amounts … may change, if, for example: we change your APR.”
Repayment terms change if they are changed? Thanks for the heads-up.
Here are five of the wackiest clauses in banking:
1. Wisconsinites Need to Shop Responsibly.
“Notice to Married Wisconsin Residents: all obligations on this account will be incurred in the interest of your marriage or family,” says the Chase Freedom Visa Signature Card’s Pricing & Terms provision.
So, Wisconsin cardholders: You are legally bound to behave responsibly when racking up debt.
Where does that leave the rest of the country?
2. Relax guys. Your interest rate won’t vary based on some index. It’ll be changed at the whim of the guy who’s collecting payments.
Even better, “this is not a variable rate tied to an index, such as the Prime Rate,” says Bank of America’s application for a $30,000 personal loan. “It’s a comfort to know your rate won’t automatically fluctuate every time the index changes.”
A predictable interest rate? I’m all for it. But wait, there’s more…
“By ‘non-variable rates’ we mean that the APR will not automatically vary with an index, such as the prime rate. We reserve the rate to change your APR, fees, or other credit terms at our discretion.”
A comfort? That the interest rate will no longer be based on the bank’s cost of borrowing, but rather, on whether it would like to get more money out of the deal?
That’s a favor I can do without.
3. We really want you to know what’s written in the second column of page 32 of your Account Rules and Regulations. Really. It says so right there.
If you — for some reason — happen to have suffered through 32 pages of account descriptions and legalese in Chase’s “Account Rules and Regulations” you’ll be rewarded.
In the second paragraph of the second column (no “Beware of the Leopard” sign, though) consumers are advised — in all caps — to “PLEASE READ THIS PROVISION CAREFULLY.”
The buried provision advices clients that they’ve given up their first amendment right to a day in court: Instead they must go through arbitration.
Think Judge Judy with closed proceedings. The arbitration administrators are dependent on the bank for business, depending on the administrator they may or may not be bound to follow the law and decisions are subject to minimal judicial oversight.
You can guess which party wins the vast majority of the time.
Plus the arbitration administrators forbid class action suits, which means banks have carte blanche to nickel and dime you without fear of legal reprisal.
But that’s not all: In previous clauses Chase also eschewed any responsibility for determining whether a court has any authority over your account before freezing your money. They have a freeze-first-let-you-work-it-out-with-the-unauthorized-entity-later policy. And you’re responsible for any costs the bank incurs in the process.
And if they make a mistake and accept a forged check, any problems you have as a result — even if you warned them of the risk beforehand — are your problem. You might get the money put back into your account, but you can’t go after Chase for resulting damages.
All of these clauses are standard banking practice. Perhaps the only thing that makes Chase unique is that the three provisions all occur in a cluster on page 32.
A few weeks ago I received an e-mail from a close family friend in England. The subject read…“A seniors revenge!…Make sure you read this!” Obviously I was intrigued but then again, thought maybe it was just a forward. Either way this e-mail was pretty fun! Still not sure or not if it is true…but check it out…
A 98 year old woman in the UK wrote this to her bank. The bank manager thought it amusing enough to have it published in The Times.
Dear Sir,
I am writing to thank you for bouncing my cheque with which I endeavoured to pay my plumber last month. By my calculations, three ‘nanoseconds’ must have elapsed between his presenting the cheque and the arrival in my account of the funds needed to honor it. I refer, of course, to the automatic monthly deposit of my Pension, an arrangement, which, I admit, has been in place for only thirty eight years. You are to be commended for seizing that brief window of opportunity, and also for debiting my account £30 by way of penalty for the inconvenience caused to your bank.
My thankfulness springs from the manner in which this incident has caused me to re-think my errant financial ways. I noticed that whereas I personally attend to your telephone calls and letters, when I try to contact you, I am confronted by the impersonal, overcharging, pre-recorded, faceless entity which your bank has become. From now on, I, like you, choose only to deal with a flesh-and-blood person.
My mortgage and loan payments will therefore and hereafter no longer be automatic, but will arrive at your bank by cheque, addressed personally and confidentially to an employee at your bank whom you must nominate. Be aware that it is an offence under the Postal Act for any other person to open such envelope. Please find attached an Application Contact Status which I require your chosen employee to complete. I am sorry it runs to eight pages, but in order that I know as much about him or her as your bank knows about me, there is no alternative. Please note that all copies of his or her medical history must be countersigned by a Solicitor, and the mandatory details of his/her financial situation (income, debts, assets and liabilities) must be accompanied by documented proof.
In due course, I will issue your employee with a PIN number which he/she must quote in dealings with me. I regret that it cannot be shorter than 28 digits but, again, I have modeled it on the number of button presses required of me to access my account balance on your phone bank service. As they say, imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.
Let me level the playing field even further. When you call me, press buttons as follows:
1 - To make an appointment to see me. 2 - To query a missing payment. 3 - To transfer the call to my living room in case I am there. 4 - To transfer the call to my bedroom in case I am sleeping. 5 - To transfer the call to my toilet in case I am attending to nature. 6 - To transfer the call to my mobile phone if I am not at home. 7 - To leave a message on my computer (A password to access my computer is required. A password will be communicated to you at a later date to the Authorized Contact). 8 - To return to the main menu and listen to options 1 through 8. 9 - To make a general complaint or inquiry, the contact will then be put on hold, pending the attention of my automated answering service. While this may, on occasion, involve a lengthy wait, uplifting music will play for the duration of the call.
Regrettably, but again following your example, I must also levy an establishment fee to cover the setting up of this new arrangement.
May I wish you a happy, if ever so slightly less prosperous, New Year.
Your Humble Client
Again I’m not sure if this is true, but I feel as though all of us would love to do this every once and a while when our banks drive us crazy!
Are video games just for kids? Of course not! But how do video games play into a strategy to be a millionaire by age thirty? This, I had to know…
Lucky for me, I had a chance to chat and laugh with Alan Corey. He’s not your typical 30-something. He’s an investor, comedy writer, and speaker. And oh yeah… he made a million bucks by the age of 30 and wrote a book about how you can, too. It’s appropriately titled, “A Million Bucks by 30″. How did Alan move from Atlanta to New York City and amass this kind of cash on an entry-level salary? How did he think and act differently from most of us? Check it out - you won’t be disappointed.
Alan, dude, you made it! How long have you been working on your goal to be a millionaire? What made you start?
I started at the age of 22 and amazingly enough it took me 6 years. Basically, I had a problem with authority, I really hated getting out of bed in the morning, and I wanted to improve my dismal dating life. I figured if I had a million dollars at a young age, it would help with all that. So I made it a goal of mine and with a bit of financial OCD, I luckily made it happen.
So, I’ve already heard about your “umbrella recycling” theory. What other ways did you manage to live like a king while investing 61% of your salary? (Readers take note: Alan was making $40K and living in uber-expensive New York City!)
I lived more like the king of the poorest nation on Earth. It was great - long periods of starvation, hardly any income, and prone to corruption. To maintain that awesome lifestyle I did things like going to “Fresh Baked” bakeries that throw their day-old goods in the trash right before closing and I’d be there to get them for free. Or I would be a market research guinea pig and fill out surveys for beer money. Anything to earn as much as I could, spend as little as I could, and not sacrifice my social life at the same time.
What I think is cool about your success is that you had to make a series of decisions to think differently from the crowd. Can you give us some examples where your behavior deviated from what you see as “the norm”? How did people react?
Sure, I lwas a landlord at 23. I owned two properties at 24. And just learned on the job. It was a bit overwhelming at first, but then it got easier over time and it just went from there. Basically college life was so much fun that I wanted to continue that lifestyle. So I saved as much as I could, bought a multi-family building, and moved in my friends. It was like Real World - Brooklyn. And just like with my college experience, many nights it was cheap beer, video games, and never getting laid.
What’s the best way to keep your “eye on the prize”?
Write it down, tell other people and make your goals known. Your site is excellent for that. Having that outside encouragement is great. Also I’ve heard writing your ambitions with a Sharpie directly onto your eyeballs is a good reminder too. Remember to write it backwards though, not what you see in the mirror. Otherwise you might accidently be focused on losing a million dollars. My good friend Pickpocket Steve learned that the hard way.
Were there ever times when you felt so far away from the goal that you wanted to give up, or blow the money you’d accumulated so far? Or, did the satisfaction of seeing your hard work, sacrifice, and dedication keep you going?
Yeah, of course there are weak moments. But then you look around and say, “Yeah, this sucks. But if I do this for 2 more years I’ll be a millionaire.” But most of the time I made everything a game to make it enjoyable. I made up a game called Mailbox Roulette where I would try to make sure each time I checked the mail that I had more paychecks in there than bills. Winning that for the first time was pure euphoria. It doesn’t take me much to get excited. I also get that excited watching the non-working group in dog shows.
Can you tell us about your first major investment? What were the obstacles, and how this made you feel when you successfully accomplished it?
First thing I did was buy a Playstation. Seriously. I figured if I had an entertainment alternative I would have second thoughts of taking a cab to see some band I’ve never heard of, paying an absurd cover charge, and then finding money to drink enough beer until I enjoyed the show. It gave me an out. That $300 spent probably saved me thousands over a course of a few years.
What’s been the best part of reaching your goal?
Helping others, freedom from authority, and sleeping till noon. Or maybe dating.
What’s the most outlandish or creative thing you did in pursuit of your goal?
I made up a music review magazine to get on a press list so I could see Outkast for free. The show was amazing! I’m still working on publishing that first issue. Any year now.
Finally, where can we get our hands on your book or see you in person??
Every bookstore should have it, and if they don’t have it, please request the bookstore to order 40 copies and then demand them to put it in the front of the store or on the “Staff Recommend” shelves, and maybe a few even next to the cash registers for those impulse buyers. Make sure they also order enough to displace all the other financial books anywhere else in the store. Then the next person that comes in won’t have the same problems you had. Ghandi taught me that, it’s called “be the change you want to see in the world.”
To see me in person, I would recommend my book signings rather than my front stoop. You can find that information on my website which I’ve named after a very handsome man. It’s at www.alancorey.com.
Ha! Thanks, Alan. Your book is hilarious and I wish you a lot of success (you guys can check out the first chapter at his website!). Let us know if any of the attractive ladies here at Geezeo ask you out and we’ll do a follow-up.
To see what Alan’s been doing with comedy, check out his involvement with Improv Anywhere skit, “No Pants Transit Day” at his blog.
Finally, check out what Alan says of Geezeo, when asked at his site about tools to use:
Lastly, if you are looking for something really cool online, I just got contacted by a really zippy website that I wish was around when I started out 7 years ago. It’s called Geezeo, and it’s like Facebook meets Quicken Online. You can set and see other people’s goals and you can also get the guilt of money off your chest in the confessional room. Basically it’s a free why to stay on top of finances in an interesting environment with like-minded peeps who are computer savvy (i.e. under 35).
Great Wallstrip Video today. Lindsay covers Fair Isaac Corporation (FIC). I wish personality was taken into consideration for my credit score. Video is wicked funny.
The parents of a Northwestern student who just headed back from holiday received this letter:
Dear Mom and Dad,
Univer$ity life i$ $o wonderful! Cla$$e$ this $e$$ion are intere$ting, my cla$$mate$ are the be$t!
But after $pending all my ca$h on Chri$tma$ pre$ent$, I am in a little need for $ome $pending money for book$ and $uch. But don’t want to $end the wrong $ignal$ home.
Love
Your $on
After deliberating a while, this was the draft of their appropriate response:
Dear Son,
NOt much to NOtice here on the NOrth side of town since you left for NOrthwestern. NObody doing NOthing NOble.
Enjoyed having you home for Thanksgiving in NOvember and Christmas. NOthing is the same since you left.
Loved your NOte; write aNOther one when you have time.
