Hello Geezeo Readers!
Let’s get right to the point. The first step in conquering credit cards requires a simple self-assessment.
What kind of credit card holder are you?
It might come to a surprise to discover that credit agencies rate you. Yep! Oh, sure, you say, I know that.
Oh, really? Then you must have noticed those folks from the credit bureaus parked outside your window in their beat-up Chrysler LeBaron watching you with binoculars. Sometimes they eat sandwiches. Sometimes they smoke. How else do they know so much about you?
So, the first line of defense is to discover into which of the three categories they’ve pegged you:
Category A:
In the industry these folks are called “Class A” (aka, “A**holes”). Class A folks carefully budget their spending and pay their entire balance in full every single month. They get off on collecting points and redeeming cash rewards. They play the credit card companies at their own game. Jerks!
Are you a Category A credit card holder?
Check any/all that apply:
[ ] You suspect everyone hates you.
[ ] Your name is Norman and “Golly, I love being an accountant!”
[ ] You’ve ever said: “I can eat anything I want and never gain weight!”, or “Somebody, please, stop me from having all this fantastic sex!”. Because if so, clearly everyone does hate you.
Category B:
According to the credit card companies, Category B people are “B for Best”. These people charge up their cards. Like little furry sheep they pay the minimum balance each month. Furry, because they get sheared every single month. Sometimes they pay off the cards. But then they just run them up again. They are the best!
Are you a Category B credit card holder?
Check any/all that apply:
[ ] Where exactly can I buy this crazy fantastic sex, and do you take Visa, Mastercard, or AMEX?
[ ] I’d pay all my cards off. But I’d feel guilty. After all, shouldn’t every child have a vacation to Turks and Caicos on private jet? I’m sending my payments to make damn sure the president of my credit card can send his kids there.
[ ] I just love bills. No, seriously. I just love them.
Category C:
Category C individuals are reckless. Initially, the credit card companies love them. Ohh, they love you like a man in a cheap suit with quarters already deposited in a pay-by-the-minute vibrating bed.
Then they start to fear you’ll file bankruptcy. Oh, hell no! They will NOT be left holding your bag of worthless crap purchases. Oh, hell no! They are not going to let you buy all that crap at Spencer’s Gifts and not pay for it! Oh, hell no!
They get very, very mad. For Chrissakes, they’ve been tailing you’re ass to the mall in a LeBaron! You owe them!
Are you a Category C credit card holder?
Check any/all that apply:
[ ] No one here by that name.
[ ] Stop calling me.
[ ] I said, stop calling me!
[ ] You &%^ &%)$(*# stop calling me!
Good. Now you know what kind of credit card holder you are. That’s the first step.
Someday, you can be a proud member of Group A. You, too, will know the deep satisfaction of quietly judging the members of Groups B & C. No one likes an A**hole, but no one likes to pay interest and surcharges, either. Maybe you’ll decide to get out the game entirely and use credit for something better than credit cards.
Until next time, pull the blinds. They’re watching. Don’t give them any cheap thrills.
The Millionaire Artist isn’t qualified to give financial advice. Frankly, there’s little she is qualified to do. Thank goodness she keeps blog. © Katie/Millionaire Artist, 2007.
